Month: December 2015

I will always be inadequate. When it comes to the world’s standards of what I am supposed to be, that is. I am too short, too fat, too smart, but still not smart enough at the same time. Even though I have lost roughly 75 pounds over the last couple of years, I am still haunted by the demons that tormented me as a young teenager. I’m too fat and I’m worthless because of it, was what I once believed. My mindset has changed a lot since then, but there are still times, more often than I’d like to admit, that I think that my thighs are still thick and my abs aren’t as flat as I would want them to be.

I have come to terms with the fact that I inherited my mother’s “child-bearing” hips, and that just because I’m not a size zero does not mean that I am worth less than any other girl. In fact, Jesus loves me now as a size 4 and he loved me before at  size 16. Do you think that when He was hanging on the cross Jesus was thinking about pant sizes? No. He was thinking about how much he loves us. That we were worth hanging on that cross. He made the ultimate sacrifice for us, he died for us. And he would do it again in a heartbeat.

This is real love–not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. 1 John 4:10

These ideals that society has shaped are impossible only a select few can fit into. It’s kind of like that old game show that aired a few years back, “Hole in the Wall.” Anyone remember that? A wall rushed towards a contestant who had to jump through outline of the hole exactly, no matter if it was a running stance or someone doing a handstand. If they didn’t fit through the wall they were dumped into water. Trying to conform to society is kind of like that. We must act and think a certain way or we’re up the creek.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

The added layer to all this is that life will always be a competition, as well. Keeping Up With The Jones’s is a dangerous “game” to play. One-upmanship can only get you so far, and what do you have in the end? A lot of possessions, sure, but those don’t last. If you win the “game” and beat out your neighbor or your Instagram follower, your victory is short lived. Even the most expensive Lamborghini will rust, Instagram will one day become obsolete, and the tightest body in town will one day grow saggy and old. Nothing on this earth is eternal.

I bet you see where I’m going with this. Worldly possessions and lives expire at one time or another, but God’s love for us is everlasting, no matter what we look like or how much money we have. His love is perfect and unconditional.

For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. 2 Corinthians 5:1

So lately I’ve been thinking, what’s so wrong with being dumped into the creek? Why do we want to conform to society when we could have something Greater? If God is on our side, nothing can touch us.

What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Romans 8:31

Maybe the trick is to ditch the game show and swim towards Salvation. I always did love to swim.

Let’s face it. Life is difficult. Sometimes, or maybe all the time, it seems like all life throws at us are challenges. Whether it be lots of little things that add up or a big challenge that seems to have rocked your life like an earthquake. I know I’ve dealt with both, but more recently I’ve had to deal with the latter. The big question that pops into my mind whenever I’m wrestling with my faith is Why does God let crappy stuff happen?

There is no easy answer to this question. If I’m being completely honest, I’m still struggling with this myself. I’ve asked pastors this question and sometimes even they couldn’t give me a straight answer.

There are a few things you can do when there seem like there are only two choices: walking away from your faith, or staying to sort out your mess of questions. If you choose to wait out the storm and deal with your tangled faith, and I hope you do, here’s what I have done over the past few months to get through my hurdles in life. I hope they help you, too.

1. Pray. But don’t just pray. When I was talking to a friend about some of the struggles I have been wrestling with recently, my friend told me that it is okay to yell at God. He knows what’s on our hearts, anyway, so just tell Him how you feel. Yell, cry, say how you feel hurt or betrayed or whatever you’re feeling. Go out into a forest and scream it at the top of your lungs. It’s okay.
2. Write it out. Make a list of grievances, if you will. Write what you feel in your heart. Write your angriest thoughts down. Writing is cathartic, it helps us sort out our feelings.
3. Talk to someone about it. A pastor, a mentor, a parent, a grandparent, or even a friend. Someone who is walking with Christ as well and has probably gone through the same thing you’re going through now. It’s nice to have assurance that you’re not alone. That’s why God made us a Church, so that we could give each other love and support in all seasons of life. I’ve found that after telling someone what’s been going on in my troubled heart, usually my mom, I feel better. Lighter, even. We weren’t made to carry our burdens alone.
4. Ask for help. Ask for your “someone” to pray for you. Ask your church to pray for you, even if you haven’t gone in a while. Even if you never go to a church service, just ask. Heck, post a comment on this post (or any post in the future) and ask for us to pray for you! The prayer warriors are on it. Surround yourself with people who care.
5. Go to a place where you can be alone and think. As you can tell by the title of this blog, I am an introvert. Introverts are wired in such a way that makes them need to be alone to “recharge their batteries.” We need alone time to think. And after all the social interaction of the last three steps, I would definitely need some alone time. If that’s not how you operate, do it anyway. Take a twenty minute walk to clear your mind. It’s amazing what some fresh air in your lungs will do for your think-space.
6. Bury yourself in the word. Even if it is the last thing you want to do. Even if you’re so angry at God you never want to read the Bible again. Crack it open and read. My favorite book for when I am feeling low are the Psalms.
7. Listen to music. Music has always been the pathway to my soul. It is how I deal with every emotion in the book. I write with music, read with music, walk, run, eat, you name it. Music is in my blood, and I know this is also the case for a lot of people. Turn off your mind and listen to the words. For a hurting heart, my favorites are “Shoulders” by For King and Country and “By Your Side” by Tenth Avenue North. Really, anything by these two bands.
8. Pray. Again. I know, there’s a lot of praying on this list. But prayer is our way of talking to God and his way of talking back. Even if he answers in whispers or even in silence. He hears you.

(Picture cred: Here)

Walking in Christ is a relationship. I have been told that a relationship with God is very much like a marriage. Married couples fight, and sometimes it’s hard to love your spouse. But in the end, they’re always there. I can’t stress this enough, questions are okay! In my opinion, they’re the only way to grow in our faith. Wrestling with big (or little) questions makes us stronger in our faith and our relationship with God.

Bottom line: With God, love will always remain.

(Did my fellow For King and Country fans get the reference?)  Love is the never changing truth of following God. He will always be with you and he will always love you, even if you don’t feel it. Even if it feels like God is a thousand miles away, don’t forget his promise that He would always be with us. No matter what.

Here are some verses to help you get started:

Psalm 46:10

Psalm 73:26

Isaiah 45:2

Isaiah 40:8

2 Samuel 22:31

Matthew 7:24

1 John 4:18

Psalm 23:4

John 20:29

Psalm 23:3

Isaiah 43:2

Jeremiah 20:11

Philippians 4:6-7

Matthew 11:28 “Come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest.”